


To Have One Moment With You

by MeredithBrody



Series: The Romulan War [7]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1481272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erika is called in front of the disciplinary board and Jon isn't sure how he can help her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have One Moment With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PinkAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkAngel/gifts).



> Written for my wonderful best friend Icka on her birthday.
> 
> Every paragraph in this oneshot relates to a line from the song "May I" by Trading Yesterday.

Even after everything they had been through, every door that had been opened or closed through the years, he still saw her standing there and was amazed that somehow she came back to him every time. She hadn’t run away from him, despite all the reasons he had given her. He had prioritised everything but her for a long time, and had tried to deny how he felt about her at all. Yet still her heart was wide open to him, and she let him see every part of her.

The universe seemed to want a lot more out of her, out of both of them, than either of them seemed to be willing to give. He hadn’t been able to keep things as together and as centred as he would have liked, but Erika was always so full of life. She always had been. She had always beaten the universe off, not letting it take the joy and innocence it had taken from him so many years earlier.

It was beginning though, he could tell whenever they got the time to be together. However she tried to hide it from him, and she did try to hide it, he knew her well enough to see through her mask and see the struggle. The lines, the walls, she had created within her mind were beginning to fall and fade away, and the negative aspects of the life they were currently leading were beginning to enter into the lightness and hope that was the rest of her personality. He knew she didn’t want that to happen, but it would, if he couldn’t help her stop it.

They rarely both got time on Earth anymore, especially not at the same time, which was why they always cherished it when those rare occasions happened. He wondered if she had even noticed he’d gotten home. Her debriefing had ended hours ago. He wondered if she’d been stood at that window all afternoon. It wouldn’t surprise him if she had. The frown lines on her face were obvious even from this distance, and he hated that they were there.

He coughed lightly from the doorway, letting her know he was there so he wouldn’t scare her coming up behind her. He shut the door and didn’t even bother with turning the lights on. It mattered more that he find a way to pick her up off rock bottom than for them to be lit.

“How is my girl?” He asked, using one of the oldest greetings they had. She looked over her shoulder at him but didn’t move any further. He stepped up behind her and wrapped her up. Wanting to pass some of his support and confidence on to her. Trying to give her a place where she could open up if she wanted.

As he held her she placed her arms on top of his and leant her head back against his shoulder. She might not have spoken but those two little movements told him more than any words could. She was tired, and she was struggling. She didn’t need to tell him that, not now. She had made it obvious to him, and that was the easiest way to do it. It always would be. He squeezed her gently. Wanting to do something to tell her he understood. That he wasn’t going to leave her.

She took a deep breath, then another one, and he realised she was using his presence as an anchor, in the same way he had used hers many times in the past. He had found that focusing on one thing helped the most when the whole world seemed to be closing in around you, and you found it too hard to remember to breathe in and out.

This was the hardest part of loving someone who had the same position as yourself. You knew exactly what they were going through and you only wanted to protect them from it, but it wasn’t possible most of the time. He just wanted to shield her from every down side, every bad thought. All the blame and self doubt and pain that came with these situations. He wanted to tell her he loved her, and that it wouldn’t matter what she did, that wasn’t going to change for him.

That wasn’t so easy. There weren’t really the words he could say to her that would encompass it all. All he could do was remain standing there, holding her tightly. Waiting for her to make the next move and show him what she needed from him. However similar they could be, she wasn’t him. While he would want nothing more than to lay down and talk, she tended to go a different way.

There was a part of him that just wanted to protect her, keep her safe. If he’d had any option he would have tried to keep her out of this career. Not because she couldn’t handle herself, she could, and regularly did better than he did, but because he didn’t want to see her break in the way he had done. The had had plans once, before they’d made a decision that had led them directly to this moment.

They’d made a million plans. They had picked out where they’d live, where they’d get married, what they’d name their children. In his heart he had wanted nothing more than all those plans, and he knew she had wanted them all too. But a decade earlier they’d made a choice that had seemed to end them all. Now he wondered if maybe they could still get those things, if they survived until the end of the war.

“They put another note in my file.” Erika said, finally, seemingly out of the blue. He had known that was the outcome of the debriefing, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything until she’d mentioned it. No matter how much he wanted to protect her.

“I know. It’s only your what, 18th? You’ll be fine, Erika.” He held her all the tighter, nuzzling into the crook of her neck and smiling. Taking in a breath of all that she was. They were home, and they were together, and right now that was everything he wanted. Just to be stood with her, pulling her back from the brink as she always had him. “I love you.”

She turned around in his arms suddenly, resting her cheek against his chest. He just wrapped her up tighter, resting his chin atop her head. He wasn’t entirely sure how to react to this sudden change other than to keep doing what he’d been doing before. This moment reminded him that everything he was now included her. He had been planning for a life with her. That had made him into who he was.

He would trade everything to make her feel better, to feel more secure in knowing that the world would be better tomorrow. No matter what was coming in his future she was there, it had only been a half formed idea for as long as he could remember, but every moment he stood in this position he realised he would give up his entire career for her.

A moment more with her, or an entire lifetime. It would be worth it. Any amount of time left with her would be worth it all. It was hard not to think that way when she was so tightly held against his chest. He didn’t want to let it go.

At least, he didn’t want to let go. He was realising now maybe they both needed to let go of the dreams they’d once had. Not all of them, not the dreams they shared for each other, but the ones of peace, of a future without complications or confusions. Where they would be explorers and nothing more. He had known since his first day in space that they wouldn’t be as simple as he’d once dreamed, and the two of them both needed to let that go.

“Jonathan. Thank you.” She said, and he pulled back far enough that he could lift her chin and see her eyes. The lines on her face had faded, they weren’t gone, but they were diminished, and her smile might not have returned, but at least she was no longer frowning. He just pressed his forehead against hers for a second, just a second, then kissed her deeply.

The knowledge that they were in this together, that they could fight and stand, was one of the only things that was keeping him going through this war. Knowing that one day they would both be able to come home and not have to warp out to another fight in only a matter of days or even hours. Holding her reminded him of all the good that was left in the universe.

“Never thank me for being here, Erika.” After all these years, all those close shaves. All the things she had done for him, and they had done together. He couldn’t imagine not being there for her. He couldn’t leave her alone. No matter the situation. “You changed me, you saved me. I will always be here to do the same for you.”

She stepped onto her tiptoes and kissed him again, then backed off and took his hand. “Come to bed?” She asked, and he understood what those words meant. She was ready to talk. That was the easiest, safest place for them to speak. The only place in the universe they weren’t two captains, they weren’t two warriors or officers. They were just two people who loved each other, and they could talk as such.

And talk she did. She let out every negative thought, every broken promise and stray pain. Everything she said reminded him of how he had been, years earlier, almost suicidal stood on the side of a mountain. The woman in his arms had saved him on that day, and he was damn sure he was going to save her now.

When she lapsed back into silence, breathing heavily and clenching her eyes shut tightly, Jon couldn’t think of anything specific to say. Instead he just kissed her gently then rested his cheek against hers. “I love you.” He told her for the second time that evening. He would never be able to tell her that enough.

There was nobody there but the two of them, and the demons they were going to work together to dispel. The two of them just stayed there together, accepting the best and worst parts. There would be a time for further thought at another time, that wasn’t now. Right now he was going to protect her from that, and help her to sleep.


End file.
